he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
