Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
