They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize