i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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