Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
