Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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