So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sober January is a disaster.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
