Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
