It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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