Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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