Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
