we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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