smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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