This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
