my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think your dad took our porno
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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