Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
