he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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