I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
