i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
