literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize