I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
