I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
