dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
