I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
