A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
