he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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