I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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