We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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