just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
