Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
