you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize