Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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