whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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