I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wat bout pragnant strippers??
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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