im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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