my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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