Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
