Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Randomize
