Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
