Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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