Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
