some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
