There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
