I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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