Old men and throwing up are my life now.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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