I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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