Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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