happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
