One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
