I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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