oh god the rape fog is back!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
