watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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