I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
