We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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