dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize