dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
