How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
