4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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