He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
