She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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