I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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