College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
