Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
