Porn is love you can see.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
