I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Boobs speak an international language.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
