The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize