My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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