Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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